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June 9, 2010

Less than 48 hours till the kickoff of the World Cup, when our neighborly rivals, los Mexicanos(pronounced Meh-Hee-Kah-Nose for those non-Spanish readers) spar with the home team, the South Africans.  If you want to know what hell is truly like, tune into the first 5 to 10 minutes of this game and listen to the sound of a hundred thousand vuvuzelas playing in complete and utter dissonance.  I’ve been in awful middle school bands.  I saw the movie “Dumb and Dumber” about 5 too many times.  Trust me…..THIS, is the most annoying sound in the world.  Luckily, if you watch the opener, you’ll be doing so at 9 am in the morning where I live(and much, much, much earlier on the West Coast), so if anyone in your family is planning on sleeping in, they’re screwed too.

Now that I’ve finished my vuvuzela rant, I’ll turn my attention where it should be focused…..hating on England.  I’m reminded of the timeless quote by D.H. Lawrence(a Brit himself),

Curse the blasted, jelly-boned swines, the slimy, the belly-wriggling invertebrates, the miserable sodding rotters, the flaming sods, the snivelling, dribbling, palsied, pulseless lot that make up England. They’ve got white of egg in their veins, and their spunk is that watery it’s a marvel they can breed. They can nothing but frogspawn the gibberers. Why, why, why, was I born an Englishman!

I’m not entirely sure what half of those things mean, but it feels good to read this aloud and think about our match on Saturday.  Next, instead of a music, I thought I’d stick this video in for your entertainment.  I love Bear Grylls as much as the next guy, but I think this speaks volumes about the British military.

It’s Not Worth it to Explain

A similar approach as our “NOOBS” series, this details the appropriate responses for stupid football questions during the World Cup.  It’s made for British fans, so if you don’t get the jokes, that’s understandable.  Most important to understand is the fact that John Terry used to be their captain and is widely known to be what British people call a “wanker”.

Pele’s Post-Retirement Occupation

This article shows why players should stick to playing.  Pele has become notorious for foolish predictions….the only question is, what’s next?

Barry to Miss England-US Clash

This is particularly important for tactical reasons.  Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard do not play well together in the midfield.  This is a known fact, and Gerrard is much more dangerous playing further up in an attacking role.  With Barry injured, it’s likely that Capello will be forced to move Gerrard back next to Lampard into a more defensive position.  This could slow England’s attack and force Capello to make some tough decisions on who starts in the attacking half.

This is Why Saturday is a Big Deal

Basically, for forty years after our first and only defeat of England in the World Cup, soccer didn’t exist in the US.  This is an article detailing the dark ages when we couldn’t even think about qualifying for the World Cup.  Thankfully, those days are long past.

Nani Nani Boo Boo

Ok, so that title is a bit ridiculous and I realize that.  Still, Portugal has lost an integral piece of the puzzle to injury, as the Manchester United winger’s shoulder will keep him out of the tournament.

World Cup is Last Utopia

This is an excellent pro-World Cup article by a college football blogger from Every Day Should Be Saturday(If you like college football, you should check this site out in the fall).  In it, he explains why the World Cup is indeed the greatest sporting event on our planet.

Another Injured Star

This time, the Netherlands has only ruled Arjen Robben out for their first match against Denmark.  It remains to be seen whether Robben’s hamstring will keep him out for longer, but he remains on the 23 man roster.

Exciting Players to Watch(No Brits or Italians)

Thirty players from most every participating country that the writer is excited to see play.  These are far from the thirty best players(as he points out), but it’s cool to have players to look for in the “somewhat less intriguing” games(see Honduras v. Chile).  The blurb about Michael Bradley is extremely complimentary.

Silent Protest Against Ray Domenech

In a completely out of character move, William Gallas, French defender has decided NOT to speak to the press during the World Cup.  He is using this as a sort of silent protest against his manager who decided to overlook him for the captain’s armband in recent matches.  Normally Thierry Henry is the French captain, but he will be coming off the bench during the World Cup.

One Comment leave one →
  1. What's Offsides? permalink
    June 9, 2010 1:41 PM

    RE: Link #1 – wait, there have to be *2* people between the attacker and the goal? I thought it was only 1. I guess I wasn’t counting the keeper as a person. Just when you think you’ve got something figured out…

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