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Viva la Revolution!

June 7, 2010

The year is 1777. The place is Valley Forge. George Washington and the Continental Army are in camp for the winter. This is where the English-US rivalry begins. After a friendly match between the two armies, Washington is disgusted by the way the Brits play, always knocking long balls up to Cornwallis, an unusually tall man. Any time the Americans get close to the British goal, they are scythed down by clumsy giants. The brutality and senseless violence of the English style appalls Washington, yet he senses that he must learn from it. To that end, Washington calls upon the American technical director Ben Franklin. Washington knows that he needs to play, and begs Franklin to find the side a coach. A few days later, Baron Friedrich Wilhelm von Steuben shows up to the camp, and begins training the men. He instills in them ruthless organization, and teaches them to play defense. They combine von Steuben’s principles with the rugged individualism, hard work, and fearlessness innate to their American character. The following Spring, finally ready, Washington agrees to play a competitive match with Cornwallis for West Point, NY. The Americans started out the game playing brilliantly, led by Washington in the midfield. They rained shot after shot on Cornwallis, who was playing in goal. At half-time, the Brits were still stunned and shocked. They had failed to put together an effective attack. In the second half they came to life, and put the American defense to the test. It wasn’t until late that the Brits were getting desperate. One of the American defenders, however, seemed to be talking a lot to the British. Then, with less than a minute left in the game, Washington was forced to play a backpass to the man, Benedict Arnold. Arnold hacked the ball in to the American net, and the English celebrated victory. Arnold quickly disappeared, but the Americans were enraged.

This is the true story of the beginnings of the English/American rivalry. Washington and his team would finally be avenged in 1950, when the Americans upset the British in Brazil, winning 1-0. Now, 60 years after avenging George Washington’s loss to Cornwallis, it is time to stand up against the Red Coats again. This week is a week of revolution, a week to over turn the established order of international soccer. It is a week to stand up against the British and show them that we are strong on our own. I mean, c’mon, surely we can beat a nation whose soccer fans do things like this:

So ladies and gentleman, I invite you to the 2010 Revolution. This week, we will be pouring scalding hate and criticism toward our English cousins, and showing them just who it is they should expect to win come Saturday.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Role Player permalink
    June 7, 2010 7:54 AM

    “…be everyFING that you need…” The English should be happy that we made their language intelligible. I hate the English ‘cause that can’t speak properly. I hate the Wanks!

  2. In Arsene We Trust permalink
    June 7, 2010 8:43 AM

    I don’t fink ‘ats very noice, Role Player. They ‘ave a great understandin’ of the English tongue.

  3. Role Player permalink
    June 7, 2010 12:41 PM

  4. June 8, 2010 10:24 AM

    What the bloody hell, England!?! You pride yourselves as being upstanding gentlemen, but you act no better than hooligans. It’s ok though because you have won as many World Cup on foreign soil as the United States has (ZERO). Have fun choking away another opportunity on penalties in the knockout stages. Oh and for the record, never been a fan of Liverpool anyways. And won’t be anytime soon.

  5. June 9, 2010 2:19 PM

    Clint Dempsey’s Unofficial World Cup Anthem:

    England’s Official World Cup Anthem:

    Yeah, I think America’s got this one. Think about the slaughter that Yorktown could have been back in the day and this is what you got.

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